La Vita e Bella

Got home at 9.30,  i was working with my essay all day until i got kicked out of the library cuz its going to close. It was tiring but fulfilling. I don’t know, this time i really enjoy working on my essay. Maybe because i feel more secure, i know where i’m going. Totally different feeling i have if im working with my research paper design. I feel like there are so many path to go about it and i have to continuously making decision on which way to go, together with the pressure of having to make the right decision since we all dont have the time luxury that will allow us to make mistakes…..haaiyaaah…. feels like having a tour back to last year, when i have to make many decisions in such a short time, not to mention many other things that i have to do. Especially lately with Noira, the coming new batch who always been in contact with me, asking this and that. Really reminds me of myself. To go back to Manado after the briefing or not, to buy laptop in Indonesia or later in NL, to include my guling in to my already-overweight baggage or not, to go out with friends goodbying with them or just stay home with mum and dad, so many things!

Now I feel the same way all over again: a lot of decisions to make, limited time, full of uncertainty! What a good combination… Well, trying to put Dory’s lens of ‘just keep swimming’ again, the simple ‘philosophy’ that kept me going last year. Trying to regain my passion in what Kara named as schizophrenic weather of Netherlands. After all, I guess Cates is right… these things are what makes life interesting. You dont know what you’ll get. Better to have surprises than live a monotonous life ryt? (trying to convince myself for saying "yes").

And look at the bright side… i have Kukuti!!!

Kukuti Kukuti Kukuti!!!!

Moving on, with all the things that keep me bussy.

The sun come and go, together with the ups and downs of my research paper design. There are times i feel so excited, there are times i feel so insecure and dont know where i’m going. Sometimes it gets so frustating, even if i dance around and have fun with friends like in the ISS international day, i still have this thing on the back of your mind. Oh my…

I end all my courses here in ISS in HRE class yesterday. Soon it’ll be just me and my RPD. Huaaaaa….. TIME FLIES!!!! Feels like its only in a blink of an eye and here i am, mid-year already, having to present my RPD tomorrow. I also starting to get mails from the coming new batch, asking me this and that about living in the Netherlands, made me realize that i’ll soon be ‘the old-batch’.

But the good thing about it is that…Oh im sorry i think i should stop.

Essay calls.

I just got back from Barcelona when i got that mail from my sister, titled ‘grief and loss’. Find it so hard to read after the first two lines cuz my eyes were filled with tears…. Find it so difficult to breath… Feels like there’s a piece- a very precious one- being taken out of my life. All i can do is just staring at the computer screen for so long, with scenes of times i had with Jessica flashing through my mind… How she would just sit next to me and ask me to massage her, how she barks with her deep voice and always made my friends especially Shinta jumped into the couch, but also how she can be so friendly and manja… I remember times when she accompanied me when i was alone writing my undergrad thesis late at night, how she used to steal my choclates or eat the money we left on the table… and also how she really know how to put that "i’m-sorry-i-made-a-mistake" face… oh Jessica, u’re just a piece i can’t replace.

The night before i went to Barcelona i was watching the small video of her that my sister took before she went to Oz. I felt like i really miss her. Then i picture myself going home and she will welcome me so happilly…always playing that on my mind… That’s one of many reasons i find it uneasy to let you go, Jessica… Keep on wondering why… And another tear rolled down my face when i was biking home this afternoon.

I miss you so much, Jessica… miss you so much…