La Vita e Bella

I suddenly remember my undergrad lecturer in Change Management subject one day told us that the only constant thing in this life is change. No one can fight it. That’s why it might be wise just to let it flow.. Give ourself a chance to dance with it, and cherish each song that’s been playing for us.

Constant Change - Jose Mari Chan

We’re on the road
We move from place to place
And oftentimes when I’m about to call it home
We’d have to move along
Life is a constant change…

Have we outgrown our Peter Pans and wings?
We’ve simply grown too old for tales of knights and kings
‘Cause life’s a constant change
And nothing stays the same, oh no

"we’re closing…"

The voice of that librarian struck me. I look to the right corner of my computer screen. It was already 17:20. I look behind; the seat that used to be occupied by that man was already empty. Alsothe one in front of me - Imani’s table. Well it’s not his table; it’s the library’s table. But four of us have build sense of ownership to it, as we found ourselves go into the same spot each day. That man, me, Imani a friend from

Ethiopia

, and Yolly in that corner - the only person that is still here with me.

“Give it up, Chrysant… enough for today. So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

And we both laughed.

It’s just funny how days seem to be repeated.

Wake up in the morning,

bargaining with the alarm,

drag myself to the bathroom,

drink coffee to help me open these eyes,

skip breakfast and just biking to ISS,

go down to the library,

sit in the same spot,

meet the same people,

struggle to get some more words typed in my Analytical framework,

lunch time; soup at the canteen,

go back again to the library,

coffee around 3,

and suddenly you hear the same short sentence again:

“we’re closing…”

I bet the librarian does not know, that sometimes his simple words sounds so nice to me. Those words give me the reason to stop working and just pack my computer and books, go home.

I bet the librarian never knew how his words sometimes made me feel like “oh no not now I haven’t done much”

Today, I met my supervisor Loes. I wonder how she can be so passionate about my own research paper; wish I could trade her passion with my fear. She told me not to worry – for each step in my research paper, even a small one, is meaningful for my whole research journey. That step could be as small as one paragraph, or one person you interviewed that links you to another person, or an article that you managed to read. Those are all worthwhile, and for that I should be grateful.

Yeah, I should end my day with grateful thoughts, than to have it end with fears and worry that won’t bring me anywhere.

And have a rest, so that I’ll be ready for the step(s) that I shall take tomorrow. Even with the same people, same place, and the same feeling of boredom.

It’ll be worthwhile.

The sun was out for a couple of hours in the afternoon, giving me a chance to go out with my cousin to Omniversum. Then as i got back here in my room, it became all dark, cloudy and windy again.

I’m not complaining though… since i went through the melting temperature in those hot summer days, i learn to accept the weather as it is.

To give a little more appreciation for the cold weather.

To be happy, not depending on the circumstances.

To see the weather not more than a thing to start a conversation:

"oh the weather is so nice today…did you go out?"

or,

"it’s cold, eh… these days? i stayed in my room all day!"

So i decided to stop gazing at that big cloud that was hanging outside my window, and turn on my computer - reading mails in my ISS account.

Now as i have ended all my classes, checking the ISS account is no longer a tiring - time consuming activity. No more those heavy- difficult to understand mails from TD. No more mails for group work or tutorial arrangements. Now, it’s mainly mails from friends about travel plans to make use of NS zommer tarief, mails that says "count me in" for Scholas trip to Paris, notification about bulletin of journals… Nice.

But today i found one mail that made me feel somewhat mellow now. No, its not that kind of heavy- substantial mail. It’s just a mail from Cynthia, the student administrator department. She alarmed us that we should start thinking about booking flights to go home soon - for it may be difficult to get a fligt in a peak December season.

And it made me realize, that one day - a day that is coming nearer- i’ll eventually pack my things, put down those three Bear Family pictures from the wall, empty my fridge, leave my plants, and say goodbye to a place that has become a home for me.

Already, I can feel that mix of feelings… on one hand i may be happy to meet my family and share my stories… but on the other hand i’d probably also feel sad for leaving my life in here.

I’ll be coming home… but strangely i’ll be leaving my other home at the same time.

Ah, the day hasnt come yet.

Just keep swimming.