La Vita e Bella

Time, a River Runs through it…

From Stafford, 2005: 85-87

Time is like a river. It flows along like water, from the future to the present and into the past. But there is a bend in the river. We know where the water is coming, but we can’t see it or know very much about it. All we know that it is coming.

The present is now – the days we live today. This is God’s gift to us. It is meant to be enjoyed and lived to the fullest. The present will flow by us, of course, and become the past. That is the way of a river, and that is the way of time.

Some people cannot wait for the future to arrive. They crane their necks to see around the bend in the river. They want to know it so badly that they have no respect for the river itself. They thrash their way out into the present in order to see more around the bend.

To them, it seems that the present is only a vantage point to better see around the bend to the future. They miss so much of the joy of today all around them. They miss much of the present time because all they care about is the unknowable, the future. Because they strain to see around the bend in the river, the present nearly knocks them down as it swirls around their knees. It slips behind them and keeps flowing. It becomes the past without their even noticing. The past, for them, is forgotten. The memories fade, and they make the same mistakes all over again.

Never disrespect the river by crashing into its powerful flow. Sit quietly and respectfully on the banks of the river and watch. The future comes when it is ready. It will arrive in its own time and in its own way. Soon it will be in front of us. The present is all we can fully know and experience, so we must. We must love each other. We must smell the hibiscus flowers. We must hear the singing of the weaverbirds and the grunts of the lions. We must taste with joy the honey and the peanut sauce on the rice. We must laugh and cry and live.

Respect the river! We cannot see around the bend into the future, but that is all right. We know it is coming, and although we don’t know all about it, God does. We can trust him with the future. God will take care of it.

All we can see and feel is the present. All we can remember and honor is the past. It is enough, my children.

“Peace be With You!” that’s the phrase that we used to say to each other in church, back in the Netherlands. And yes indeed, every time I walk out of the church it felt like I’m going home carrying a basket full of peaceful feelings in my heart. Kristian and I would then bike home together, sometimes feeling so cold that our body started to shiver – but we would still have smile in our faces. We would pass the quite bosjes (small woods), sometime drop by there if we’re not that hungry yet, or take a longer route to enjoy the empty streets, pass the Albert statue and say hi to him… It was really nice.

Today is Sunday and I just got back from church as well. I hate to say this but I miss the peaceful feelings I used to have after church when I was in NL. So sad that now, every time I get back from church I always feel frustrated, upset, tired, and have all the other collection of negative feelings. It wasn’t from the service, but it was from the meeting for our youth camp. I see some people who are not serious and are not committed to work for Him – and it really breaks my heart. In the same meeting I also see some other people who are committed, but look extremely burn out that they become so emotional and have a strong tendency to blame each other.

I wonder if the peaceful feeling that I used to have after attending church in NL was because I was merely a church attender. If I were to be involved in church in NL as well, would I be feeling frustrated like this? Or is the feeling that I’m feeling right now is just a part of the series of culture shock that I have to deal with? Maybe after some time I would not feel disturbed anymore having to collaborate with one evangelist who acts like a real bureaucrat. And maybe after a while I won’t be annoyed working with people who are not committed to their work. If this is a matter of culture shock, I don’t know if I should let myself keep on being exposed to all of these matters at church (hope that one day I’ll somehow get myself used to it again L) or should I just stop being involved in order to feel peaceful again. I don’t know.

Oh… so tired of having to bear all these emotional baggage that I never carried when I was still in NL. I’m so tired of being angry most of the time for trivial things. So tired of wondering why people are acting the way they do. These feelings really drag me down; it makes me so unproductive.

Hush now… be still my heart, I always tell myself. But sometimes the external exposures are just too strong that all I can do is just spending my time, looking at the pictures in my laptop, of a place where I can feel so peaceful.

Wish that I can belong there again.