La Vita e Bella

This morning, as usual, my alarm sings that song, Wherever You Will Go. And as usual, i press the ’snooze’ button without thinking - oh please i deserve another 9 minutes. And again, as usual, in the other 9 minutes the alarm starts to sing again. Even it sings my favourite song, but i just find it so annoying in the morning. Good thing it’s a cellphone alarm, if not then maybe i’ll just throw it against the wall.

After 3 times of 9 minutes delay, i finally to wake up and walk straightly to the kitchen, make my morning coffee. This time, i decided not to drink my coffee while reading e-mails. Avoiding that routine, I climbed the stairs and sat there, to enjoy the warm sunshine on my back, have a small chat with Kristian, gaze at the backyard of Gondel with its 3 huge container of garbage, which needs to be taken out. Usually, this would be Zabi’s work. Zabi is the one who use to help out cleaning Gondel, he’s nice and warm, even with his limited English he always try so hard to communicate with us. But he’s missing, for more than a week. I heard that he’s on vacantie, or something like that. Well, ok, let’s do the community work. I drag one bin, and Kristian drags the other one. Passing through the small halls… 2 doors… aha, finally we’re out. We even argued a little about the place to put the containers. Kristian said it has to be as close as possible to the street, i said, no, pull it back a bit. Then this man who turns out to be our neighbour came. He’s so neat, probably will go to his office soon. While unlocking his bike he asked us, are you students? They made you do this kind of work? Then we had that small conversation about garbage going on with Sultan - his name. I asked, is that ok to leave it here, even it is not the schedule for them to pick this thing up? Smiling he said, if people from the cleaning department (or something like that) see this, they might take a note, and fined you. Yeah right, i thought he was joking because he was smiling. But somehow i get a feeling that he might be serious, so i asked, are you serious?

Well, not long after that i found myself dragging the bin again, back to the back yard of Gondel, and have to wait for Wednesday night to get it out again.

Oh, this is just the way Dutch system works… Everything can be fined - even a garbage container that you put outside your house not in the right schedule.

I drank my first Cortado in Madrid. It was a bit rainy in that afternoon, i think the earth was trying to give balance to the heat of summer in Madrid. With some friends i went to a bar just around the corner of Hotel Fansisco I, the place where i stayed. Gazing to the raindrops… silent street… accompanied by Cortado. It was really nice, that first experience.

People say that Cortado is simply espresso with a drop of warm milk. But for me Cortado has more charm than that. It’s simply indescribeable. Cortado is served in a very small cup, makes you cherish every sip you take. You can always order for more though. There are various forms of Cortado. You can request for Cortado with warm milk or with cold milk (short milk). Both are nice.

July the 14, at night in the airport. I decided to end my wonderful days in Madrid by drinking Cortado again.

Perfecto.

Most frequent-asked-question in ISS nowadays: "Are you going to go back home for your research?"

A question that me myself used to ask other people. To all my friends in ISS. To those who are close to me and to those who are not. A question that i sincerely want to know the answer, and not just a question that i ask for making a conversation. It is strange because I know that even if they are around, i might not see them often. But knowing that some of them will be away makes me feel somewhat lonely. I don’t like to see the empty halls in ISS, the canteen that is no longer full of students, library with empty seats… And i hate to admit that i’m starting to miss the hustle bustle of group work, assignments, presentations, reader, classes, films sessions… I feel like im alone with my RP which is so full of uncertainty.

Last night most of Gondel people have a drink in a cafe near the beach. Fany will be away for months, Rina as well, Tina is no longer here, Manana too, Carlos, Chika, and Jason has already moved… Gondelstraaat will be empty. My constant companion now is the flies, that are suddenly popping in to my room since summer time. Some of them used to make sounds, ngiuuungg…. ngiuuuuuung…. annoying but yet it made me smile because it reminds me to Donald Duck that is used to desperately trying to catch them.

Ah, it’s July already. 5 months left.

This morning i got a message from my mom, saying that Ari Wibowo is getting married today, 7/7. To him i dedicated this song hiks hiks…

Akhir Cerita Cinta - Glen Fredly 

sandiwarakah selama ini
setelah sekian lama kita telah bersama
inikah akhir cerita cinta
yang sekalu kubanggakan
didepan mereka
entah dimana kusembunyikan rasa malu

kini harus aku lewati
sepi hariku
tanpa dirimu lagi
biarkan kini ku berdiri
melawan waktu
‘tuk melupakanmu
walau pedih hati
namun aku bertahan…

Huaa… my Ari!!!

Got a mix of feelings this evening.

I was feeling sleepy an hour ago, was trying to sleep, but a bit of sun rays still hanging outside my window (though its 11pm already!), and it made me: 1. unable to sleep, 2. feel guilty for trying to sleep (i feel like i should sleep when i’m really sleepy, when it’s unbearable anymore, just like most of my sleep-deprived friends in ISS), 3. can’t stop my mind from wandering around.

Then i feel a bit sad, remember Echel my other dog that was being poisoned - she was hanging there for weeks, maybe waiting for me to let her go. And i did. That’s why a week ago when i heard that she finally went to meet her mom Jessica, it wasnt that heavy. But sometimes this feeling of sadness come again…

Then i feel a bit scared, huh…. will have two exams this week, have to deal with Freek’s type of questions that i dont like, and TD’s questions that are always too philosphycal for me. I feel like im not as prepared as i was compared to last term.

Then strangely this light feeling comes when i saw a news about France on the web, with Zizou’ slight bright smile… I remember when they won against Brazil in ‘98, i was watching the match with my siz and got so excited.

Then i feel sleepy again. Ok, time to sleep.

Got home at 9.30,  i was working with my essay all day until i got kicked out of the library cuz its going to close. It was tiring but fulfilling. I don’t know, this time i really enjoy working on my essay. Maybe because i feel more secure, i know where i’m going. Totally different feeling i have if im working with my research paper design. I feel like there are so many path to go about it and i have to continuously making decision on which way to go, together with the pressure of having to make the right decision since we all dont have the time luxury that will allow us to make mistakes…..haaiyaaah…. feels like having a tour back to last year, when i have to make many decisions in such a short time, not to mention many other things that i have to do. Especially lately with Noira, the coming new batch who always been in contact with me, asking this and that. Really reminds me of myself. To go back to Manado after the briefing or not, to buy laptop in Indonesia or later in NL, to include my guling in to my already-overweight baggage or not, to go out with friends goodbying with them or just stay home with mum and dad, so many things!

Now I feel the same way all over again: a lot of decisions to make, limited time, full of uncertainty! What a good combination… Well, trying to put Dory’s lens of ‘just keep swimming’ again, the simple ‘philosophy’ that kept me going last year. Trying to regain my passion in what Kara named as schizophrenic weather of Netherlands. After all, I guess Cates is right… these things are what makes life interesting. You dont know what you’ll get. Better to have surprises than live a monotonous life ryt? (trying to convince myself for saying "yes").

And look at the bright side… i have Kukuti!!!

Kukuti Kukuti Kukuti!!!!

Moving on, with all the things that keep me bussy.

The sun come and go, together with the ups and downs of my research paper design. There are times i feel so excited, there are times i feel so insecure and dont know where i’m going. Sometimes it gets so frustating, even if i dance around and have fun with friends like in the ISS international day, i still have this thing on the back of your mind. Oh my…

I end all my courses here in ISS in HRE class yesterday. Soon it’ll be just me and my RPD. Huaaaaa….. TIME FLIES!!!! Feels like its only in a blink of an eye and here i am, mid-year already, having to present my RPD tomorrow. I also starting to get mails from the coming new batch, asking me this and that about living in the Netherlands, made me realize that i’ll soon be ‘the old-batch’.

But the good thing about it is that…Oh im sorry i think i should stop.

Essay calls.

I just got back from Barcelona when i got that mail from my sister, titled ‘grief and loss’. Find it so hard to read after the first two lines cuz my eyes were filled with tears…. Find it so difficult to breath… Feels like there’s a piece- a very precious one- being taken out of my life. All i can do is just staring at the computer screen for so long, with scenes of times i had with Jessica flashing through my mind… How she would just sit next to me and ask me to massage her, how she barks with her deep voice and always made my friends especially Shinta jumped into the couch, but also how she can be so friendly and manja… I remember times when she accompanied me when i was alone writing my undergrad thesis late at night, how she used to steal my choclates or eat the money we left on the table… and also how she really know how to put that "i’m-sorry-i-made-a-mistake" face… oh Jessica, u’re just a piece i can’t replace.

The night before i went to Barcelona i was watching the small video of her that my sister took before she went to Oz. I felt like i really miss her. Then i picture myself going home and she will welcome me so happilly…always playing that on my mind… That’s one of many reasons i find it uneasy to let you go, Jessica… Keep on wondering why… And another tear rolled down my face when i was biking home this afternoon.

I miss you so much, Jessica… miss you so much…

Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don’t need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

You’re gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Last week with 3 busses full of ISS students (plus diploma students and some families) we went to Keukenhof!!! It was great, and the weather was very nice as well! It reminds me to the Zaansche Sans trip we had at the end of the orientation week, when we were all still young and free, hehehe….

Keukenhof is another dream come true for me, i remember i used to wish to visit this place and admiring all the tulips. The garden was full of people though, good thing it’s big. But still, sometimes its hard to get a picture without capturing the people that i dont know, just like this one, in front of Japanese garden. I guess people really want to take a good use of the opportunity to visit Keukenhof, coz it only opens for about two months. Well, spring is always so precious.

There was also a bride with the wedding dress, maybe for their prewedding picture. Keukenhof is definitely the perfect place, with its flowers in so many attractive colours, different sizes and some with unique names (like, pinochio or mickey mouse…)

I really enjoy the visit, even though we spent most of the time walking and walking, trying to see all part of the garden. We just stop to have lunch under the tree… And suddenly we have to go back to the buss, it’s 2.30 already. 3 hours is not enough for Keukenhof!!

From there we bike home (this time without jacket), accidentaly with all Gondel people. Kristian suggested to have a detour to the garden, so there we were with Rina, Marcia, Barbara, and Carlos (and then Shipo!), all laying on the green grass… enjoying the warmth of the sunshine. What a lovely weekend to remember!